


The Heavy Bear Who Goes With Me (Remix B of "Don't Know Where You're Coming From, Don't Know Where We're Going")

by orphan_account



Series: Choose Your Own Adventure [3]
Category: due South
Genre: BDSM, Bondage, Dom/sub, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-30
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-08 20:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/447288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser's doing this with Ray because sometimes he needs to be that fucking...mean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Heavy Bear Who Goes With Me (Remix B of "Don't Know Where You're Coming From, Don't Know Where We're Going")

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Don't Know Where You're Coming From, Don't Know Where We're Going](https://archiveofourown.org/works/56269) by [spuffyduds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spuffyduds/pseuds/spuffyduds). 



Fraser does not hate the city of Chicago nearly as much as he once did. He no longer feels entirely out of his element; familiarity has bred affection rather than contempt. He enjoys the cultural amenities, the variety of people he meets, the new friends and circle of acquaintances surrounding him. Ray Kowalski most especially. If he’d been asked in the first blush of youth, Fraser would have predicted that he would never marry; he’d experienced the consequences of a father more bound to his duty to country and the law than to his family. Fraser had briefly entertained the idea of entering a career that would allow him to have a family he could put first, but ultimately decided that he would be at his best if he followed the example his father had set for him.

He had never allowed his affairs, some of the heart, some of the body, to grow to the point of conflict and decision. With one disastrous exception, a mistake he very nearly compounded by repeating, stopped only by his best friend’s bullet. After that, Fraser concentrated on duty and friendship, very much in that order.

It hadn’t been easy. Ray Vecchio had tempted Fraser nearly beyond endurance, but Vecchio’s own obvious disinclination to want anything more than friendship from Fraser spared Fraser from having to do anything but forbear and sublimate. Vecchio was such a good friend that it was easier than Fraser would have thought.

But the importance of Vecchio’s friendship to Fraser, to making the city of Chicago bearable, was brought home with wrenching suddenness when Vecchio chose duty over family and friendship (although how much of that was truly Vecchio’s choice is still less than clear to Fraser). In his moment of deepest vulnerability since Victoria’s return, Ray Kowalski had been there. And the last piece of Fraser’s life fell into place when he realized (with shameful, if understandable, slowness) he could honor duty, friendship and even physical love all with one person. And Ray wanted the same basic things as Fraser, although he would probably not frame them the same way. Ray wanted honor, duty, friendship and physical love. And the only sacrifice Fraser had to make was to remain in Chicago. He knew he and Ray could make a go of it in Canada, together, and he entertained hopes that someday they would; Ray liked Canada, after all. But there was no room in Canada for Ray as an officer of the law, and Fraser knew that Ray’s calling to justice and honor was not yet exhausted. Fraser could no more ask Ray to sacrifice the law than he could ask it of himself. In Chicago, their twin needs were met. Fraser considered living in Chicago a small price to pay, particularly as he grew more accustomed to the city virtually by the day.

Fraser was sure that their duet, as Ray had so aptly phrased it, was enough for both of them, and that to want anything more on top of that would be the height of greed. But Fraser found that he and Ray were physically compatible beyond what he’d ever thought he could expect from a lover. One day, however, frustrated after a day of consular duties and justice denied, Fraser was unable to resist approaching Ray roughly, part of him appalled that he would take his anger out on Ray, although in acts that were, ultimately, more loving and erotic than hateful and violent.

Ray didn’t stop him, though he easily could have. Ray welcomed Fraser’s rough wooing, cried out in ecstasy as Fraser pushed him this way and that, giving him orders that Ray eagerly obeyed. For days afterward, Ray had seemed even more alive than usual, but not his usually nervous energy. Rather, he had been happy, efficient and even calm.

As if he needed Fraser to treat him roughly. Fraser, however, felt guilt that he had used Ray in such a manner, for all that Ray welcomed it. Fraser needed time to reconcile his own aggressive behavior toward Ray with his tender affection for the man. When Ray actually _asked _Fraser to repeat the experience, awkwardly muttering, “We could do it like that again, you know, like when you were all, uh, in charge,” Fraser could only stare at Ray. He had barely accepted that Ray hadn’t refused him when he was like that; he simply didn’t know what to do when Ray _wanted _him to be like that.____

It didn’t matter, though, because Fraser could not simply will that particular mood into being. Over the following weeks, he noticed that Ray began to grow restless, starting with more fidgeting than usual and escalating into argumentative behavior. Fraser was, of course, used to arguing with Ray; some of their best work came from lively discussions and, yes, arguments about how to proceed on a case. But this was a different kind of arguing, more akin to one-sided bickering. Ray’s needling of Fraser usually coincided with Fraser’s own frustration with duty without honor, with times when his suit itched metaphorically even greater than physically, and eventually Fraser succumbed to his more aggressive tendencies and used Ray sexually. Again, Ray seemed to enjoy and both of them were much calmer in the aftermath.

So that was the pattern they had fallen into: enjoying their duet in its fullest until one or both were angered by things beyond themselves, followed by Fraser dominating Ray sexually. Ray followed Fraser’s lead in those dangerous games; once or twice, Ray would attempt to augment Fraser’s orders with action of his own. Kneeling when he hadn’t been told to, for example, or stripping before Fraser could give the order. That was the last thing Fraser wanted from Ray; when these moods came upon him, he needed to be in absolute control of the encounter. Ray quickly came to understand that, all without Fraser once having to stop and say anything aloud.

Sometimes, Fraser wondered if, when they finally moved to Canada, Ray would be the one pushing him roughly to his knees, barking out orders, assuaging the frustration of being in an unfamiliar environment. Would Ray do to Fraser as Fraser did to him: arousing him to a frenzy then denying him completion to prove how much Fraser needed him?

Fraser looked forward to finding out.

**Author's Note:**

> "The Heavy Bear Who Goes with Me" is a poem by Delmore Schwartz. It's about how it would be nice to always enjoy doing the right thing, but really all the narrator wants to do is rage, eat candy, sleep and also fuck as crudely as possible. I'd say it's worth looking into.


End file.
